Cry me a Mani

I truly have some of the best friends a girl could have. Knowing that today would mark the 7 year anniversary of my mom and sisters (And her friend Jera) death, Many of my friends have called or emailed me to tell me they were thinking of me. (I even got the cutest fleur de Lis bag full of goodies from Molly. See not everything is bad about the 24th!) I REALLY appreciate it! It does make such a difficult day easier to bear.

You'd think that after 7 years that time would have healed my wounds, and that life would have gone on without them, but truth be told, there is still not a single day that I don't miss them, or want to call my Mom and tell her about some funny thing that Liam said, or the mischievous thing that Owen did and see how she dealt with things like chocolate drool that won't come out of my favorite white shirt that I have now washed 15 times and nothing seems to want to get that brown hue out...

I've been having a bunch of dreams lately with one or both of them in, (But this always happens in May since there is some constant reminder that they are gone.)

I like these dreams. Even if they make no sense, or that they aren't real, it makes me feel like I've actually talked to them or seen them, but it also makes me realize how much I have forgotten about them.


I'll NEVER forget Mom had a scratchy voice and the most contagious laugh, but I forget some day's what it truly sounded like. (But lucky for me my sis-in-law is a close second and every once in awhile I hear a glimmer of it come out of myself. I've even turned around before, sure that it was Val and realized that it was me who had made that scratchy noise.) Maybe next year I will try to find a clip for you all to hear!

Ali, my beautiful little sister who looked like she was 25 at 17. Some people say we looked alike. (But she got the good genes.) I see some similarities, but I know we talked the same. We'd actually fool people all the time. Even our boyfriends fell for it a few times. And she would have been such a good aunt and mother. I've watched our cousins who were all the same age and went to high school together, grow up, serve missions, get married and I'm sure will shortly have babies, and that is the hardest part. She was so good with kids and would have been a really good Mom. She definitely got
screwed out of that part of life.
(this is a picture of her and her best friend Erin.)


Anyways, it has become a tradition that I go get a pedicure (or manicure now) on the anniversary each year,
1-because I need to do something fun
2- I know it is something that I would be doing with my Mom trying to cheer her up since her own mother passed away and there is nothing like a good pedi or mani to make those blues disappear.

My darling friend Kristen called and said this year she wanted to take me to the Hotel Hershey Spa for a real treat.

We had a fantastic lunch, and got the perfect French tipped maniucres. But best of all I was able to spend a few hours with a person I'd love to have as a sister and enjoy those few hours just talking and getting pampered.

Nate is always so sweet to me around this time of year. He knows I'm walking a fine line and could fall at any moment and supports this tradition by watching the kids so I can get out. I came home to some beautiful flowers and the boys fed and ready for bed.

I just want to put it out in cyber space, (Who knows, maybe they have internet in heaven?)

That I love and miss my two best friends more than anything. That each May I feel this black cloud come rolling in and know that I will have to reflect on the fact that another year has come and gone, as well as another memory of them.
But that I know I will get to see them again someday. I've decided I will punch them really hard first for leaving me like they did, but lucky for me I have the most wonderful Dad and three brothers a sister could ask for. I am so blessed to have them, (Oh and their wives who are more than just Sister-in-laws, a wonderful family of in-laws, a new step family, Friends, Aunts, Cousins, A Husband and two little boys that help fill a big part of that void.)

Here is to all of you for being a part of my life. I love you all!